Judgmental Jerks

January 30, 2014

(image source: here)
 

First and foremost, I want you to know that you are beautiful – inside and out.  What others say about your physical appearance, is a reflection upon them, and has nothing to do with you.  When people attack your looks, weight, style or anything to that matter – it’s because they have nothing else to say about you and it’s because it’s a mirror of their own insecurities.  It’s a mirror of the black soul and heart that they possess – not about the shinning star you are.  Please know that.

In the past few weeks, I have ran into my fair share of negativity.  It’s all from the same group of girls, which from here on out I will refer to them as The Mean Girls.  The negativity that has been said to me, or forwarded from someone else in many screen shots from The Mean Girls – all have the same complaints about me: my looks, my weight, my tattoos – all about my physical appearance.  Nothing else.  Some of these comments were said over the past year (that I’m just now seeing) and the others, were said directly to me from a member of The Mean Girls in the last few weeks.

All of these attacks have been done via social media.  I’m a very public person – always have been.  However, with how large and widespread Ruffles has become, many more faces see my posts from across the world – which is amazing but it can be a curse.  Many can see my posts and send hate, with just a click of a button.  I do believe the internet and social media has only added fuel the ass holes of the world.  I could never imagine sending someone, “you fat assed tatted up bitch” to a person.  A person with feelings.  A person, who has their own struggles and hurdles – that you know nothing about.  I would hate myself.  I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, worrying if they are okay.  In my twenty-seven years on this earth, I’ve never ran into so much hate, ignorance and plain out mean, bullying behavior.  While, their words don’t personally hurt me, it does float around and they make me think.  I’m not saying I’ve never been made fun of – I have, however, these words, these attacks, I’ve never had.  They can hurt.  They can alter someones life for the worst.  That is not okay.

(left, my current weight, 172 pounds.  right, my lightest weight of 139 pounds)
 

A member of The Means Girls called me fat.  You know, she is correct.  Well technically, over weight.  I’ll give that to her.  I’m over weight.  On a good day, I’m 5’4 and this morning when I weighed myself, I was 172 pounds.  According to the medical charts – I’m over weight.  According to the media and fashion standards, I’m probably obese.  I have hips, thighs and tits for days.  Regardless of my size or how much I weigh – these are features I always have had.  In my adult life, I have varied in weight from 139 pounds, to my heaviest at 208 pounds.  In order for me to be 139 pounds, I have to physically work out twice a day, six days a week.  I have to not only spend 2-3 hours a day in the gym, I have to eat spot on and not deviate.  This is my body.  My genes. It’s genetics.  It is what it is.  If it honestly bothered me, I would work hard; like I did years ago, to fix it.  But it doesn’t.  Years ago, I thought my size, weight, and looks defined me.  I was young, insecure, and didn’t know any better.  I surrounded myself with people, who made me feel like these things mattered.  Well, big damn news flash.  It doesn’t define me.  It doesn’t make me a lesser, or better of a person.  It doesn’t lessen the good deeds, the good work, and wonderful person I am.  You judging my weight and size – makes you lesser of a person.  It defines you.  You show the insecurities you possess.  It shows how ignorant and self centered you are and how you can’t look deep enough to love people for who they are – not for who you think they should be.

The Mean Girl posse has also stated that I’m ugly – this is something that has been repetitively brought up from Mean Girl to Mean Girl, throughout the past year.  Okay, I’m ugly to whom?  You don’t find me physically attractive, yet – what makes me ugly?  Could it be my facial features?  The features that have been passed down to me through my heritage and genetics?  Maybe it’s my chemo thinned hair?  Or, could it be my pale skin?  What makes me ugly?  I know it’s not the size of my heart and soul – cause they are too shallow and ignorant to look that deep and far.  So, What makes me ugly?  And, before you Mean Girls answer that, cause I know you read and stalk my page like a lion stalks a gazelle – please know, I don’t give a shit.  I don’t care what physical attributes you don’t like cause your opinions are of no importance to me.  What physically makes you uneasy, gives others flutters in their hearts.  So, shut your gob.  Not one person – regardless of physical features, attributes, style – is ugly.  What is ugly is the heart and soul behind the judging eyes.  You, my love, who judge others – is the definition of an ugly person.

I often don’t do my hair or paint my face.  You will never find me in a nail salon or a designer clothing store.  Cause, these things don’t matter to me.  These things are not high on my priority list.  But, before you judge someone, due to their lack of physical appearance and effort – think of why.  One, people could not give a shit, like myself, about these items – or it could also be a deeper issue.  I don’t do my hair often, cause it falls out.  It falls out from my oral chemo therapy I take daily.  I don’t go tanning cause I burn.  I already have one form of cancer, I don’t need two.  I don’t paint my face cause my skin is often dry and raw from my medication.  I don’t spend money every two weeks getting my nails done, cause the nails prohibit my awesomeness in my day job and rescue.  I’m often in yoga pants and a hoodie cause the thought of putting on tight fitting clothing on my incision site or feeling like shit – just doesn’t seem important to me.  When I’m not in yoga pants, you will find me in jeans and a shirt or hoodie.  But in all honestly, I’m not a shallow ass hole, who judges others.  It doesn’t matter why, when or how one dresses.  It doesn’t define them.  It defines you, you judgmental prick.

My body is covered with tattoos.  I’m very heavily tattooed.  While, I personally don’t think it’s okay to judge another upon physical appearance, their sexual orientation, religion, color of ones skin, etc – this is one I signed up for.  I knew, when I chose to tattoo my body in places that are seen by the general public daily, that I was opening myself up to stares, comments, judgements, etc.  However, my tattoos don’t define me.  While being heavily tattooed, I always have to be on the top of my game.  I make sure I hold doors open.  I make sure I say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to complete strangers – because I want to break the mold of what the general public thinks of ‘tattooed hoodlums’.  My chest is tattooed, my hand and fingers are tattooed – all in places it is really hard to hide without wearing mittens and a turtle neck.  I knew the down falls of going down this path – however, it is what I find attractive, it is what I personally love and it is my body.  My body.  If it want to paint it purple or green – that’s my prerogative.  I don’t judge you, Mean Girl, about your naked, dull, and bare body – why would you judge me?  Does my untattooed, pale skin lessen the type of person I am?  No.  Then why would my purple, blue, black, orange, red and yellow alter who I am as a person?  It doesn’t.  My tattoos, tell a story.  My story.  While many of my tattoos have no meanings and some, like my portraits, have significant meanings – I can tell you exactly how old I was, what I was feeling, why I got it, etc.  It’s my story.  Leave it alone.

I will never understand the workings of The Mean Girls.  While, I know what it’s like to be insecure, I could never fathom placing my insecurities onto another in hateful, bullying manners that they have done.  I often wonder, do they say these things to children?  To young girls who are very susceptible to the negativity?  I can give two cents – cause I’m comfortable with the life I live, the path I’m going down and with who I am, but others may not be.  They may be placing life changing and life long mental damage onto others, cause they are, deep down, ugly people.  I may not be a beauty queen, but I’m a queen bitch on my derby skates.  I may not be a size zero, but my heart is a size fifty and I try to give every inch and every roll I have to others in need.  I may not have physical features that make your heart thump, but I come home and make the hearts of dogs who were given up on and left for dead, thump.  I may be the most revolting person to you – but I could also be someones Cinderella.

If you, like I have been, are at the end of someones hate – don’t let it eat you alive.  I know it’s hard.  But please remember, that you are an awesome, loving, beautiful, sexy beast who will change the world.  The negativity and hatred that “The Mean Girls” of the world spew – is not a reflection upon anyone, except themselves.  They are shallow people, who spread their hate, their insecurities and their lack of morals and values – onto others, looking for attention.  Don’t give it to them.  Smile and walk away. Be the better person.  Cause spewing hate back, brings you down to their level.  Smile, say thank you, and continue about your day.  I love you to the moon.  Remember that.

Sincerely,
One Fat Assed, Beautiful, Tatted Up Bitch
Christina Chandler

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Amber Reddick January 30, 2014 at 11:08 pm

Gurlie…I love you and you are beautiful.. Inside and out. I too am tattooed and overweight but what people say doesn’t matter to me and I don’t care about doing my hair or my makeup because the only opinions that matter to me are mine and those that love me for me…my boyfriend loves me and my tats…and my curvy body.. He tells me daily I am beautiful and looks at me with love 24/7. On the few occasions I have done my make up or my hair..he had said that he thinks I am sexier without the face paint and all the fuss…he has seen me at my worse and best..seen me at my heaviest of 220 and my smallest at 135. I now weigh 173 and am.trying to lose weight but for health reasons..I have a heart condtion.

My point is this…everyone is gorgeous in their own way and those that judge others don’t realize they are beautiful and special and this is their own insecurities…

Keep smiling…kicking ass…taking care of those ruffles pups and being the gorgeous person you are…I love you gurlie….

Lisa January 30, 2014 at 11:22 pm

Thanks for sharing Christina ;) though we would all like to look like a Victoria secret model we can’t ;( unfortunately !!! Lol !! Like you my big boned body would need to starve and work out twice a day and I still don’t believe I would look like that. !! And I am ok with that !! We have another purpose in life that is far more rewarding !! So I commend you for for accepting what you ( we) are and making a difference in this world for the better !! Wish we had far more of you in this world then those skinny ass models !! You are kind , passionate and beautiful , keep doing what you love and enjoy !! You will always have jealousy and hatred :( unfortunately !! So, carry on !!
You are truly …. Priceless !!

Christina Kopsaftis January 30, 2014 at 11:23 pm

Miss. Christina!!! you don’t know me but I just want to say thank you! I saw your posting the other day on Facebook and those little words you said ” Hey You, Yes You….” brought me to tears. I wanted to respond but as I know you have experienced “one of those kinda days” that I couldn’t get my emotions in check to articulate my words enough so for that I am sorry that I didn’t say thank you earlier. You took someone elses’ bitchassness towards you and turned it around to make I am sure not my day but many others day too! My heart sincerely smiles when I see your page every day and the progress of the furchildren. You are such a strong woman! No matter the circumstances of these precious babies you open your heart as if they you were own and take care of them….no matter how grim sometimes the odds may be. That takes more balls than any of they bitches could ever dream to have so F-Them! You keep living your life to the fullest and keep doing what you do exactly the way you are doing it now!
Thank you for all that you do for all those kitties and poochies!
Thank You for keeping Fighting the Fight that most of us only wish we could even do 1/8th of what you accomplish.
You are Beautiful! Your heart is even more beautiful!

I could go on and on but I don’t want to get to sappy on you so I leave you with this…

Thank You and Much love to you, you Beautiful Tatted Up Bitch!

Can’t wait to see what more amazing things you do!

Sincerely,
Christina Kopsaftis

Peggy Follador January 30, 2014 at 11:49 pm

You are awesome…. And an amazingly talented writer. Hugs to you and the Ruffles gang. …. You are changing the world one dog at a time, and that is what is important!

Teri Rogers-Durant January 30, 2014 at 11:50 pm

As always, beautifully said. I believe that we are all beautiful, no matter what shape or size we are. But even the most beautiful person physically can be hideous underneath it all. Jealous and shriveled up hearts takes a 10 to a -5. Something tells me that with or without all your tattoos you are one to be extra kind just because that is who you are. I love all my tattoos and I actually didn’t start feeling really beautiful until I began getting more and more. We need to always embrace what makes us different and special. I pity those “mean girls”. They will never know how to truly feel love and happiness while they let petty jealousies rule their lives. And that is all it is. Jealousy. While you make a difference in peoples and animals lives, they probably cry if their manicure gets jacked up.

Keep strong and may you totally kick cancers ass just like you kick ass in real life. I, and many others, totally believe in you. Keep on rocking those bad ass tats and empowering woman by doing everything you do.

Teri

Jolie January 31, 2014 at 12:53 am

Christine…I love your power, girl. Let me tell you…I am guilty of lashing out at girls, usually in self-defense. But honestly, it comes from a place of insecurity. I am and probably will always be insecure about my body and the way I look. I forgive myself for it and look at it as a practice of identifying and correcting behavior, because it will probably never go away. We are surrounded by it, raised on it, and submerged in it. I respect, admire and strive to be a person like yourself, who can rise above it. This makes you an incredible human in the eyes of people who have depth…and let’s be honest, that’s the only people who count. To us, you are a true kick-ass beauty! We’re not worthy! :)

Denise Stone January 31, 2014 at 2:05 am

You are a beautiful person INSIDE and OUT! I love your smile and think you are just beautiful. You have the greatest heart to save these doggies. Who cares what others think? I am 47 and finally comfortable in my own skin. No, I do not wear makeup, do my hair, or wear fancy clothes. Often, if I am not going anywhere, I prefer to be in my pajamas. ;-) Yes, I am overweight, but I am healthy physically and I enjoy food. I don’t care if people judge me. I will change things because I want to, not because I want to please someone else.

Shelly January 31, 2014 at 2:18 am

Love every single thing about you!

Carol Lane February 12, 2014 at 5:22 pm

You are beautiful, and thank you for reminding me that I am too! <3

Gabby Manzo February 19, 2014 at 3:13 am

Who are these nasty Bi%#&s saying this about you? Models? I bet not! First of all no One is perfect. And second of all YOU are NOT fat nor ugly! Those skanks sound like they are jealouse of you and they should be. You have such an amazing heart, you are. beautiful inside and out! Something they will never have.

Words hurt but when it comes from girls like that who gives a shit! You should never let jealouse witches hurt you.

Jessica Calasopa February 19, 2014 at 7:41 pm

You are an amazing person. I want to write out this big long response to you but i feel the simplicity of just saying THANK YOU will do. I myself have been heavy and light heaviest of 240 and lightest @ 145 and I stand @ 5’8…and I #158 today and still dont feel good enough. I started modeling around 22 and was consistently told I was beautiful but too fat, I needed to tone up do some workout for 6 months and come back. The constant 5 days a week of 2-3 workouts a day wasn’t worth the rabbit diet and mind torture I was doing to myself….So it stopped and I have these untouched images I refused to let them alter and I get down on myself. I wish the world to see me and not the photoshop me but Ive been so critized I wont do it…

So thank you.. thank you thank you thank you, for being you, being beautiful inside and out, for being a strong woman with a big heart and being sooooo full of love and wisdom. You are a Diamond perfectly flawed and 100% amazing.

Thank you for writing your words of inspiration and thank you for loving ….just everything you do warms my heart daily and puts a smile on my face.

thank you,
Jessica :)

veronica February 25, 2014 at 2:22 am

Spread your angel wings and soar above. Dont even second guess yourself!! You are beautiful, awesome and have a♥ of gold! Look at all your furbabies, they give you the♥ that you need!! You awww me daily!! ♥

Christina February 25, 2014 at 4:11 am

I do not know you only know you by what you do for the dogs that so much need your help. The fact that you give all you have to them makes you a beautiful person. I have seen your pictures and you are not only beautiful on the inside but the outside as well. Anyone who cant see that does not deserve the time of day or any tears. There are many days i don’t do my hair or put make up on.. i am not one of “those girls” but i think if you can feel beautiful and look it without having any makeup on makes those mean girls jealous. And that’s exactly why they said those ugly things to you.. they are jealous of the fat you are so awesome and they are not and they are jealous that you are comfortable in your own skin. They saw something in you that made then feel like crap.. maybe that you have a heart and they don’t so they decided to lash out. I love your rescue and you are amazing! Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I was bullied so badly in middle school because i was always the odd one with curly hair and the one who didn’t have the name brand clothes or shoes.. but it made me stronger and better then the ones who were mean.

Liz February 25, 2014 at 5:58 am

Wow. Such amazing words, so powerful & true! It’s definitely not easy living in a world of Mean Girls. I’ve personally experienced the receiving end of torment most of my life, except when I spent all my free time working on my looks and the “perfect body.” Life’s purpose is better served when you feel good by helping those who could possibly never repay you and making this world a better place. You, my dear, are definitely one of those people that make us all a little better just to know you. Keep up your amazing work and beautiful attitude!

Mayra March 26, 2014 at 6:33 am

OMG!!! Who are these evil hearted monsters? Who raised them? Please do not spend even one second on what those wretched miserable poor excuse for human beings have to say. In this day and age, the fact that they cannot find something more important and meaningful to do with their time than spout hate and hurt is proof that they are insecure, unhappy losers that have to put others down, in order to make themselves feel good. Guuuurrrlll, do not give them the power to ruin your day not even for one second….you must know in your heart just how wonderful you are! By the way, when I see your pic, read about what you do for animals, and all that you have accomplished at such a young age, the first thing that comes to mind is how beautiful, smart, strong, huge hearted, and amazing you are. Hugs and many blessings to you!

Robin April 6, 2014 at 3:32 pm

I just want you to know that you are a beautiful woman (both inside and out). It doesn’t matter to God what you look like on the outside, I know that he is proud of you and KNOWS that you have an BEAUTIFUL SOUL. Be PROUD of who you are and all that you do on a daily basis. I have to confess that because of your site and also watching shows on tv about animal rescues along with videos on the internet that my hope is to one day be able to do what you do. There are so many animals that need our help because they can’t take care of themselves. I admire you and you organization. Please keep up the wonderful job you and your volunteers are doing.

Sheri McDonald April 16, 2014 at 12:17 am

You effing ROCK!!! God Bless YOU and everything you do for those beautiful babies who are blessed to have you!!! :)

Andrea April 16, 2014 at 1:57 am

I’m with you sister, I go out without makeup, hair thrown together, and I’m not in my twenties so all the sun spots are there. Anyway, there are so many problems in this world, it isn’t important for me to dress up ; or waste my time for trivial stuff when more important things need to get done. It reminds of people who care more about how they are seen than doing the right thing.

Christine Towery April 25, 2014 at 5:44 am

I just wanted to say that I think you’re a beautiful person …. inside and out. You are not ugly at all, in any way. You don’t look like you weigh a lot to me, but even if you did … you’d still be lovely. You are attractive and your tattoos are great! It reminds me of something I posted on my FB timeline. I’m only paraphrasing but it said that some of the nicest people you can meet are covered in tattoos, and some of the most judgemental go to church on Sundays. I don’t like to broad brush anyone, I judge people on their character and absolutely nothing else – and that is what makes you a most beautiful person. You are a good person and you rescue dogs. You even help dogs that have a bad reputation, and I can’t thank you enough. You and I know that pit bulls get a bum rap, we know some are misidentified, some have trumped up charges against them, and some even are not guilty of anything. Judging a pit bull before you know that dog, is like judging a person based solely on their skin color, their sexual orientation, their appearance (tattoos included) …. it’s not right. Having said that, I think most dogs that have exhibited poor behavior can be rehabilitated, regardless of breed. They just need the right guidance, training and most of all, love …. in which most if not all surely lacked in their past. You do a wonderful thing and that makes you beautiful. You are right, the ones that feel the need to pick on you, are only lacking self esteem and can only feel better about themselves by putting down others. They are the worst sort of ugly. I always hope people like that will come to realize what they are doing is wrong. I hope that whatever makes them ugly will pass so they can become better people. In the meantime, I know you’ll keep your head held high and continue to be the angel that these dogs desperately need. Much love to you, Christina :)

Julie May 19, 2014 at 12:15 am

Christina; I had the privilege of meeting you and Archie today… I can say this- you are beautiful, sexy (I’m straight… don’t freak out!;) ) and your heart is off the hook. I know the feeling of being called “Fat, Short (I’m 5’0 tall) Tattooed Bitch” It has happened more than once. My response has always been the same – I am Fat because I have a passion for yummy food- and I don’t believe in starvation. I am short – call my parents and complain to them. I am tatted because it is my choice to be brave enough to artfully express myself, and I am a Bitch because of hateful people like you. However- you forgot to mention that I am also profoundly compassionate- and have spent my life helping those less fortunate ( I’m a social worker). I am a Mommy… which means I am Super Woman. I am the best friend you could only dream of, and my Intellectual capacity far exceeds your ability of comprehension. I COULD change myself, and mold myself into something you would approve of- but I CHOSE to be authentic. I also only have the ability to hold peace in my heart…. so I will respond to you with kindness- TO ALL THE MEAN GIRLS; “May you be blessed ten fold with the way you treat others.”

Christina- I can’t unsay the crap that others have. I can’t tell you that you wont be criticized for being authentic and brave. I understand what you have gone through- and I offer you my prayers and complete support. You completely ROCK GIRL!!!! I am proud of you- you are a hero to more than you know!

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